The 2019 documentary Mother, Father, Deaf provides an intimate look into the lives of Children of Deaf Adults (CODAs). These children often find themselves in a unique and complex position, balancing the worlds of the hearing and the deaf, community and isolation, and childhood and adulthood. Through a poignant exploration of three CODAs, the film illuminates the burdens and opportunities that come with growing up in a deaf family. By providing personal insights from both the children and their deaf parents, Mother, Father, Deaf presents an unparalleled perspective on the contemporary reality for deaf families. In this review, we will dive into the themes, narratives, and significant moments that make Mother, Father, Deaf a remarkable documentary.

Introduction to CODA: The Central Theme of the Documentary

The documentary Mother, Father, Deaf introduces audiences to the world of CODAs — children born to deaf parents. These children often serve as bridges between the deaf and hearing worlds, navigating challenges and experiences that most people might never encounter. While CODAs have the ability to communicate in the hearing world, they simultaneously experience a deep connection to the deaf community and its culture.

The film shines a light on the complexity of growing up in this unique environment, where the child is tasked with responsibilities that extend far beyond their years. Unlike most children, CODAs frequently act as interpreters, mediators, and caregivers for their parents, which places them in situations of emotional and mental maturity earlier than their peers. This complex duality — straddling two worlds — is at the core of Mother, Father, Deaf.

The Unique Experience of CODAs

In Mother, Father, Deaf, the filmmakers offer a window into the lives of three CODAs, each of whom shares their personal journey and the challenges they faced growing up in a deaf family. The experiences of these children are not only marked by linguistic and cultural differences but also by a constant balancing act between their family obligations and their need to fit in with mainstream society.

At the heart of this documentary is the question of identity. How do CODAs navigate the space between being a child and being an adult? The documentary explores this question through the lens of responsibility and adulthood that is thrust upon them early on. Unlike other children, who might depend on their parents for support and guidance, CODAs frequently find themselves in a caretaker role from a very young age. They often help with simple tasks like interpreting for their parents in public places, to more complex matters like managing household finances or dealing with legal issues. These added burdens shape their upbringing in ways that are both a challenge and an opportunity.

One of the most touching aspects of the film is hearing from the parents themselves. Deaf parents candidly share how they unintentionally place this weight of responsibility on their children. As much as they want to shield their children from the difficulties of being the child of deaf parents, they often don’t realize the toll it takes on their children, who must mature quickly in order to fill the gaps left by their parents’ hearing impairment.

The Burden and Opportunity of Growing Up in a Deaf Family

A key theme in Mother, Father, Deaf is the tension between the burden and the opportunity that comes with growing up in a deaf family. On one hand, CODAs often feel the weight of responsibility for their parents’ wellbeing and the responsibility of interpreting for them in social situations. The emotional toll of being constantly “on call” for interpreting needs can lead to feelings of isolation and fatigue. For instance, many CODAs experience difficulties in school and social settings, as they must balance their family responsibilities with the demands of their education.

However, on the other hand, growing up in a deaf family also presents certain opportunities that are unique to their experiences. For one, CODAs often develop a high level of emotional intelligence and empathy, as they are attuned to the needs of others, particularly their parents. They also become bilingual, learning to communicate in both spoken language and sign language, which can open doors in terms of career opportunities and relationships with both hearing and deaf communities.

The documentary illustrates how CODAs are both burdened by and given a unique sense of agency in their upbringing. For many, their role as the bridge between two worlds is a source of strength, even though it can be overwhelming at times.

The Role of Parents in Shaping CODAs’ Lives

The portrayal of the parents in Mother, Father, Deaf is equally important, as it helps to contextualize the pressures that CODAs face. Deaf parents discuss their struggles with raising children in a hearing world, the challenges of relying on their children for communication, and the complexities of their relationships with their own children.

What is striking about the parents’ perspective is their deep love for their children, and their recognition that the relationship they share with them is built on a unique foundation. While they understand the responsibility they are placing on their children, they are also proud of how their children have grown and matured as a result of their experiences. This paradox is beautifully captured in the documentary, highlighting both the resilience and vulnerability of the family dynamic.

For deaf parents, raising children is often a journey of learning and adapting to the world around them, which is predominantly hearing. They rely on their children for interpreting and navigating situations that hearing parents typically handle themselves. This puts immense pressure on the children but also gives them an intimate connection with their parents that might not exist in typical family dynamics.

Cultural Representation of Deaf Families

Another aspect of Mother, Father, Deaf that stands out is the documentary’s exploration of the cultural aspects of deaf families. The film paints a picture of the deaf community, which is often marginalized in mainstream society. Deaf culture, with its own language (sign language), traditions, and norms, is beautifully depicted, showing how deaf families navigate the world together.

The documentary goes beyond just showing the challenges of living as a CODA or a deaf parent; it also offers a nuanced view of the cultural pride that comes with being part of the deaf community. It emphasizes the importance of sign language as not only a tool for communication but also as a cultural marker that shapes the identities of both CODAs and their parents. In this sense, Mother, Father, Deaf isn’t just about the difficulties of growing up between two worlds, but also about the celebration of a unique and thriving culture that has its own values, customs, and history.

The Emotional and Psychological Impact of CODA Experiences

The emotional and psychological impact of growing up as a CODA is one of the most poignant aspects of the documentary. For many CODAs, the sense of being “caught between worlds” can lead to feelings of confusion, isolation, and a lack of belonging. These children are often the only hearing members in their families and can feel isolated from their peers because they cannot share the same experiences.

As children grow older, these feelings of alienation can become more pronounced, especially as they face the challenges of balancing their loyalty to their deaf parents with their desire to fit in with the hearing world. CODAs often struggle with their identities and might feel torn between being part of the deaf community and the hearing community. The documentary beautifully captures this inner conflict and shows how it shapes the identity and emotional well-being of CODAs throughout their lives.

Despite these challenges, the emotional growth of CODAs is equally important to the narrative. Many CODAs learn to cope with their unique circumstances in resilient ways, building strong emotional intelligence and empathy along the way. By understanding their parents’ needs and navigating the complexities of both worlds, CODAs often grow into compassionate, independent individuals.

Conclusion

Mother, Father, Deaf is a profound and moving documentary that offers an insightful look into the lives of CODAs. Through the stories of three children, we gain a deeper understanding of the responsibilities, challenges, and opportunities that come with growing up in a deaf family. The documentary also gives voice to deaf parents, shedding light on the complexities of raising children in a hearing world.

Ultimately, Mother, Father, Deaf goes beyond just the experiences of CODAs; it speaks to universal themes of identity, responsibility, cultural heritage, and family dynamics. The film shows how deeply personal stories mirror the experiences of countless CODAs around the world. By sharing these intimate, often unspoken truths, the documentary highlights the strength, resilience, and beauty of deaf families and the unique position CODAs hold in bridging two worlds.